Beware of Boredom

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So here I was unemployed. In addition to my daily job search, I tried to get more coverage for Ayana Productions. I went back to my old routine and started praying first thing in the morning. Things were going pretty well but then my boredom got the best of me. Praying every day, looking for jobs and searching for media coverage somehow didn’t satisfy me especially since I still didn’t see a significant change in the websites’ traffic.

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourself.

Eventually my boredom led me right back to my selfish ambition. I was spending more and more time taking online courses to make my resume look more appealing in order to get a job that had nothing to do with what God wanted me to do. Again I was headed in a direction that God didn’t want me to go in. Then my selfish ambition got the best of me. My mother, who is now the Executive Director and Host of Ayana Productions, wrote a feature film script in two composition notebooks. I could feel God tug at my heart, telling me to type the script. Still not used to God’s voice, I brushed it off because we had an online news and entertainment show. In my mind, we had no business fooling up with a feature film when we couldn’t even get the show off the ground. So I put it off. I certainly wish I would’ve listened to God because what comes next, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Eventually I got another job. But God has a way of chastising you when you’ve been disobedient. I landed a gig at an eCommerce company as a customer service representative. In retrospect, the job was pretty simple. All I had to do was assist customers with their orders via email. At this job we were allowed to wear our headphones and listen to music. But at a reasonable volume of course just in case one of the supervisors was trying to get our attention. Simple enough right? Not really. Because we were allowed to listen to music, the supervisors’ sitting in the front office would speak negatively about the staff. There were times I heard them speak negatively about me, which made for a very uncomfortable working condition. One day I guess I couldn’t suppress their comments any longer because I started gasping for air and my heart started racing. I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. So I got up, went to the restroom, took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. But the relief was only temporary. When I got back to my desk, it started up again. This feeling just wouldn’t let up. It was becoming increasingly worse with each passing day. I did some research on my symptoms and apparently I was suffering from anxiety attacks. To make matters’ worse I was beginning to have night terrors during my sleeping hours. The job was really wearing on me. I prayed and asked God to get me out of the situation. My desire became so great that I vehemently started working on Ayana Productions coverage. While I was employed there I covered the Queens Peace Keepers March, a Fathers Alive In The Hood event and the Dumbo Arts Festival. My mother also interviewed Ralph McDaniels (Uncle Ralph) and the Mis B’havin Misfits. Sometimes God allows trouble to come to get your attention and get you back in line. But take my advice; things are always easier when you listen to God the first time.

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